ZLFB3: The Cake Eating Robot From Beyond The Stars
by Familiar47
Summary: The third in the series of 'Zim Looks For Batteries'. Will have several chapters. Singing, robots, death rays, Zim, and 40 percent more Carlos!
1. Chapter 1

Zim Looks For Batteries 3: The Cake Eating Robot From Beyond the Star

Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez

There was too much to do to make this into a one shot, so it will be...2-3 chapters maybe.

I don't own Muppet's Treasure Island or any other Muppets films or anything from the Muppets franchise.

Xxx

"NO! NO!" Zim howled. "NO! NO! NO!"

He was on his knees, howling to the skies. Nearby, the mercenary ship Omni-Hunter lay in pieces.

"No! Not again! NOOOOO! Not again!" Zim wailed. "Why?"

CRASH!

Another ship crashed right next to the Omni-Hunter.

"Huh?"

Suddenly a hatch was pushed open and a purple eyed Irken just a little taller than Zim leaped out. "Zim! You crashed my ship! AGAIN?"

"Oh, you!" Zim paused. "You..." He blinked. "It's uh...Spock?"

"LOK!" Lok snapped. "What is so damn confusing about my name?"

"What name? You keep saying you're locking something!" Zim paused. "You can't lock me up! I've gotta go! My PAK! Mission! Life! Death!"

Moments later Dib, Gaz, and Tak got out of the wreckage along with a very happy Kay.

"That was fun!" Kay cheered.

"I can't feel my legs!" Dib groaned, and then saw Zim. "You! Zim!"

"Me! Zimmy!" Zim paused. "Dib-Monkey! This is your fault isn't it?"

"What is?" Dib asked, standing up.

"My PAK! Somebody stole it! AGAIN!" Zim shouted.

"You just got it back five minutes ago!" Lok said, astounded.

"I crashed, I was knocked out! Somebody stole it! I'm gonna die and I'll never even find out what you locked!" Zim was suddenly crying against Lok.

Lok twitched as he felt his shirt get wet. 'Is he...?' He wanted to hit Zim so hard that he'd feel it in an alternate universe, but part of him sympathized with the little Irken. He sighed. "Zim, stop crying on me."

"No! This thing is a good tissue-" Zim paused. "Wait...why am I not thinking less? I'm not moving slow...I'm not talking like Kirk-Human anymore. I'm...actually fine! How can this be? I need a PAK! The PAK holds everything! What's happening?"

"I think I have an idea," Suddenly Loe appeared next to them, making Zim and Lok jump with fright.

"Loe! How'd you do that?" Lok demanded.

"It's my power!" Loe said mysteriously, waving one hand. "To go unnoticed at key moments in a plot advancement!"

"..that makes no sense," Lok said.

"I know," Loe nodded. "Zim's gained high energy levels from his past adventures. The explosion at the Swollen Eye Ball HQ, and then channelling the energy of the sun into his Emergency PAK. Side effects include his body being charged with naturally occurring energy."

"No wonder I have electric and fire powers! I'm a genius!" Zim smirked.

"Be warned, that energy will eventually fade unless you keep it powered...so don't go wild with the fancy powers." Loe said.

"Right, no going wild with power. Must get more energy! Power! POWER!" Zim shouted.

"I need to get as far away from here as possible!" Tak declared, turning on her disguise and planning to make a run for it.

"Oh no you don't girlie!" Lok grabbed her by the back of her shirt collar. "If I'm getting dragged on another Zim Adventure, then so are you!"

"Why do you even have to go with him?" Gaz asked. "He's not exactly chained to you."

"Because the Tallest ordered me to keep an eye on him every time he loses his PAK!" Lok growled. "Now I have to call them and tell them he lost his PAK again so they can make all these bets! It's the only way I can pay for all the damage he caused to my ship!...wait ,where's my ship?" He saw a small crater where his ship had been lying. "...ZIM!"

"How'd he even make it fly so fast?" Dib asked. "It was in three pieces! And how'd he take off without us noticing!"

"I added the latest Stealth Tech to it, the Universal Mute Engines!" Kay said, a smile on her face.

"...Kay," Lok sighed.

"Yes boss?" Kay looked up with big, cute pink eyes and an equally cute smile.

"...damn, can't get mad at cuteness of that magnitude," Lok sighed. "Let's just find him and get off this rock."

Xxx

BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!

Carlos opened his door. "Hello?"

"CARLOS-HUMAN!" Zim leaped on Carlos, shaking him by the shoulders. "I need you to help me fix my ship!"

"I don't know how to fix ships." Carlos blinked. "Go ask Kurt!"

"I also need advanced weapons of mass destruction that can cause lots of damage in the least amount of time!" Zim added.

"Oh then I have just the thing!" Carlos pulled Zim inside. "Come and see my Closet of Dreams!"

"...are you gay?" Zim asked...before Carlos opened a closet filled with massive weapons.

"Behold! My latest invention to be sold on the Alien Black Market!" Carlos held up an SUV sized laser gun. "The Disintegrator Mk V cannon, perfect for destroying entire armies of girl scouts and leaving their cookies intact." Carlos looked to a large pile of boxes of cookies nearby. "That last group had just started when they knocked on my door."

"Good! Good! Good! Ok, but what would they do against...killer asteroids, monstrous aliens, advanced fighters and war cruisers?" Zim asked.

"Oh they'd work great assuming the power source on your ship can handle it!" Carlos said. "And for that I introduce the Plasma Warhead powered Mk VI cannon! This baby can burn through six ships in one shot!" He held up a bus sized cannon which ended up tearing down part of the house just by pulling it out of the Closet.

The second floor began to crumble. And in the top floor, Carlos' dad, an evil cloaked figure with red eyes sat in a bath tub. He looked down at Carlos and Zim. "Carlos! You'd better not be tearing another hole to another universe!"

"I'm doing a job like you asked me to! And I said I was sorry!" Carlos said.

"Good! These are perfect Carlos!" Zim nodded. "What of engines?"

"You'd better ask Kurt, he's in charge of that part of KC Technical," Carlos shrugged.

"Ok, but seeing as how you work with him ,what would you recommend for travelling millions of light years in the least amount of time?" Zim asked.

"Well the Hyper space engines have three different modes l ready to be sold," Carlos said. "I offered President Bush them, but apparently he was more interested in the moon at the time instead of Alpha Centauri."

"Good! What are my options?" Zim asked.

"Well I can't sell you the same type you already have," Carlos walked out to where the Omni-Hunter was parked in his drive way and tapped the engines. "These short circuited a lot years ago and were brought off the market. But I do have three types of engines. Irken designed Boomer Engines, perfect for long jumps in short times, but not good for manoeuvring. The next one is made by the Vortians," Carlos pulled out a small disk that displayed an image of the sleek engines. "Not only are they good for hyper space and can jump you across the galaxy in a snap of the fingers, but they're fast in combat too! But you need a LOT of power for them. And the final one...oh this is good."

Carlos displayed a new set of engines. "I found these when I took Comrade Big Head's ship to Meekroob! Interdimensional Drives! You don't only go from one edge of the galaxy to the other in half an hour, it can take you to the Andromeda Galaxy in an hour!"

"Cool!" Zim's eyes were sparkling. "Why aren't these on the market?"

"They cost more than the Massive, that's why!" Carlos said. "And that took centuries to build! These added to any ship could make the Massive look like a Tricycle."

"How pricey is this?" Zim asked.

"Look." Carlos handed over a list.

"Well how can it be-HOLY MOTHER OF MIYUKI!" Zim shouted.

Xxx

In the afterlife, Miyuki looked up from the Poker Game she was playing with Spork.

"Did somebody take my name in vain?" Miyuki asked.

"I think so," Spork looked around. "Why don't people use my name?"

"Because you were Tallest for all of ten seconds," Miyuki deadpanned. "Now put it on the table! I'm determined to win my things back!"

"Bring it on!" Spork laid his cards down.

Xxx

"Who could afford these?" Zim shouted.

"Well one Irken came in a while ago, I think his name was Bob," Carlos shrugged. "How you aliens keep finding out about my business I'll never know."

"I really wanna go for the Interdimensional Drives! I don't have a lot of time on my hands and I need to go fast," Zim said. "Is there any way to get a Trial Version? I hear you can get one Three for thirty Days."

"Well you have to agree to sign this contract here," Carlos held up a clip board. "You will agree that in the event of explosions, radiation poisoning ,decompression, death by black hole or any other mysterious means non-related to the engine ,you cannot sue us."

"Wouldn't I be dead anyways?" Zim asked, tilting his head.

"Company policy, blame Kurt, the guy's like a Forensic surgeon for the law." Carlos shuddered.

"Well I really want that engine..." Zim considered.

"Good! You can use our prototype! And if you come back after thirty days you can get one for fifty percent off!"

"Isn't that still enough to bankrupt Earth?" Zim asked.

"Three times over Zim," Carlos nodded. "Three times over."

"Maybe I can cash in on the Tallests' bets to pay for it." Zim said. "I really like that engine...would it matter to you where I got the money?"

"Heck no," Carlos shook his head. "Betting on you living is one of our best incomes! Just sign that you will test our Super Nova Survival ship if you fail to pay back."

"What happens if I die?" Zim asked.

"Then any all surviving relatives or friends will be compensated." Carlos said.

"Oh florp that! Just promise Gir infinite nachos and to make Minimoose self destruct and take this rock of a planet with him!" Zim shook his head.

"Ah! Nacho and End of world Policy, good choice!" Carlos grinned.

"...how do you come prepared for this?" Zim asked, mildly disturbed by how Carlos handled all of the Alien Technology he and Kurt were selling.

"We get a lot of customers," Carlos said.

Xxx

_A few days ago..._

"_Ok, so you want 90 titanium shuriken equipped with explosives and shock abilities, a cloaking device, and a shoulder mounted plasma launcher." Carlos paused. "Uh... I can't give my skull to you but I could give you the heart of a hero...I keep one in my freezer."_

_The large Predator scratched the chin of its mask, considering the ultimatum, and shrugged._

"_Perfect! That'll be ten thousand monies!" Carlos smiled._

_The Predator, shocked and angered, roared. He slammed one fist down on the table, leaning over and growling in Carlos' face._

"_...okay okay! I can cut you in for half now, pay the rest off in small payments if they work and your victims have some money on them...but if they come back damaged you pay full price!" Carlos said._

_The Predator growled, picked up its weapons, and then pulled a check book out of one part of its armour. It wrote down a check for five thousand monies and slammed it down on the table, grumbling about 'Stupid expensive humans'._

"_Pleasure doing business sir! I hope you get the skulls of all those who meet your blade!" Carlos said with a pleasant smile as the Predator left his house._

_Carlos sighed and sat down...when the door bell rang. He opened t...and was met by a Predalien. It held up a note._

'_I hear you've been selling to Predators as of late. Can I come in and chat with you over some...lunch?'_

"_...uh oh." Carlos blinked. "This ain't good."_

_Xxx_

"I still don't know how I got out of that one." Carlos said, not noticing a human made Xenomorph staring out from his bedroom window. Scratching his chest out of a recently formed habit (Hint, hint), the maniac continued. "The point is Zim, that we come prepared for usually anything!"

"Awesome, lovely, amazing!" Zim nodded.

Carlos' cell phone rang. He picked up. "...Hey! Invader Dest! What's up man?...yeah, that's covered by our business!...That one isn't though...if you blow my eyes out how will I pay you back?...look buddy those blasters were state of the art, I don't know what kind of fight you got into but if you expect me to pay that back you're mistaken..uh huh...yeah? Well I'll see you at your funeral too!" He hang up. "So rude."

"Who was that?" Zim asked.

"Just some disgruntled customer trying to kill me." Carlos shrugged. "Don't worry, they never succeed."

Inside, Kurt sighed and crossed another tick on a list marked 'Bounty Hunters/Disgruntled customers/Soccer Mothers/Girl Scout Troop Leaders that have come for Carlos'. This was actually the fifth sheet of paper added to the list, which was made up of hundreds of names...mostly girl scout troop leaders.

"So let's get you set up and then you can go on your crusade of Doominess, Mr Zim!" Carlos said.

"Perfect!" Zim smirked. "As soon as I trace my PAK signal, the thief who has taken it yet again shall feel the wrath of my Zimmy Wrath...and Zimmy Powers too!"

"...yeah good luck with that, now excuse me I have to hook up a pair of the galaxy's fastest engines to a scrap heap." Carlos said. "And put enough weapons to destroy a solar system in also." As Zim ran off to get ready, Carlos pulled out his cell phone. "Yeah, Kurt? Put me down for fifty thousand that Zim gets torn up by Giant Rats...oh and ten thousand that they just meet giant rats along the way, I need a fall back. Also, add one thousand to any amount of rat related fates they suffer...okay, it's kinda hard to hear hand gestures through a phone-hey no need to be rude about it!...ok, thanks."

Xxx

"Ok," Lok sighed. "Zim stole my ship, again, he's on a wild quest of power to get power...how can he lift something that heavy and vanish that fast?"

"I think he flew it actually." Dib said.

"It was in _three_ separate pieces!" Lok shouted. "Why do I have such bad luck with this ship? I need to get it back, it cost me fifteen million monies and I don't have enough for another ship!" He looked to Dib. "Where on this world would Zim go to fix a ship?"

"Uh...his...base?" Dib asked.

"Too obvious!" Lok shook his head. "Besides, his computer kicked him out last time he lost his PAK, it won't let him back in so he can drain power!"

"What about that weird guy who keeps calling himself 'the Carlos?'" Gaz, who was sitting on the back of the hovercraft Lok had salvaged from the wreckage of the second crashed ship asked, playing her Game Slave while squeezed in between Loe and Kay.

"What would he know about Irken technology?" Lok asked.

"Well he's some kinda super hero or something, right?" Gaz asked. "He keeps adding a 'the' to his name...or is he a super villain?" She shrugged. "Ether way he keeps making all sorts of noises and lights."

"He's been stealing and selling a lot of alien technology, and using all the money to buy himself either large amounts of Klondike bars...or flame throwers," Dib explained.

Lok pulled out one of his many hidden guns. "Time to go spread some kick assery." He ran off.

"...and get your ship back?" Dib called after him.

"That too!" Lok suddenly ran back and dragged Tak along. "And like I said, you're coming too!"

"Aw crud!" Tak whined. "I can't come along! What happens if I try to have another soda?"

"Oh you enjoy those moments, we all know it." Lok rolled his eyes. "Now quit being a whiner. I'm taller and I say you're going with me!"

"Wrong, Almighty Nameless One!" Zim, who had appeared from around a nearby corner declared. "You shall all accompany Zim on his Doomy Crusade...of Doom!"

"Why should I?" Lok demanded.

"...I have your ship?" Zim pointed out.

"I can kill you and steal it back!"

"...my quest involves gaining _lots_ of money?" Zim asked.

The hidden gun went back in its holster. "Now you're talkin' my language!"

"Good!" Zim chuckled. "As much as I loathe to admit it, I will need help acquiring my PAK from these devious fiends who stole it! I have a ship and have armed it with many weapons and new engines. But I need a crew. Therefore I commission you all to gather me a crew, we leave in one hour!"

As he ran off, Dib sighed. "He'll drain the city dry in that time."

"Better than him staying like this forever though, now come on Big Head," Lok held Dib up by the scruff of his coat. "There's money riding on this! And I'm greedy!" He ran off, carrying Dib, Tak, and Gaz over or under his left arm.

Xxx

**Three hours later**

"I said ONE HOUR!" Zim shouted as Lok stepped onto the bridge. "What took you so long?"

"Well excuse me Mr Amazing, we needed to call in about fifty or sixty people to man _my_ ship," Lok frowned. "It takes time to fly across a galaxy you know. But we have a good forty four crew."

"Excellent!" Zim nodded. "Show them to Zim!" He was perched on the Captain's chair...until Lok shoved him off and sat in it.

"_Oye!_ My chair!" Lok snapped. "Go aft and look at them yourself!"

"Excellent!" Zim ran out of the bridge.

Xxx

As it turned out, most, if not all of the crew members assembled were large, menacing, mostly carnivorous aliens. Zim swallowed as he stared at the collection of misfits. Those who were not bigger were uglier and had multiple scars.

"...Could Zim's slightly superior senior officers meet him up front?" Zim waved one arm.

"Screw you Zim!" Tak called from the kitchen, munching on a chocolate bar.

"MEET ME IN THE FLORPING FRONT!" Zim shouted.

This roused Tak, Gaz, Dib, Kurt, The Carlos, GIR, Minimoose, Loe, and Kay to rush into the bridge with Zim, who shut the door behind them.

Zim cleared his throat, folding his hands behind his back, appearing as the perfect portrayal of a professional Captain. "..._Who the _florp _hired this crew?_" His eyes were wide, his teeth chattering together. _"They are the most revolting, mismatched crew of lawless brutes I have ever seen! Which one of you called them here?"_

All hands pointed...

To Minimoose.

"Squeak," Minimoose looked down as if ashamed or embarrassed.

"_You_ called them here?" Zim shouted. "Are you _nuts?_ Are you _mad?_ Are you _bonkers?_ Are you-are you-are YOU!" He pointed his finger right in Minimoose's face. Pressing it to the Moose toy's nose. "Are YOU?"

"Squeak?" Minimoose sounded fearful, mostly of Zim's electric powers.

"In his defence, I'm the one who hired our kitchen staff."Carlos raised a hand.

Xxx

**In the mess hall...**

"No, no, and NO!" Hellion snapped. "Four ounces of muscle, and _then_ we add the sprinkling of bone dust!"

"And I say YOU'RE F-ING NUTS!" Johnny the Homicidal Maniac shrieked in the alien's face. "Add them all at once, stir while adding fresh blood! Speaking of," He glanced at a fearful Keef, who was tied to the nearby wall. "I need more blood!" He pushed up Keef's sleeve, revealing many cuts and pulled out a knife, licking his lips.

"Mommy!" Keef squeaked.

"Now you know how I feel!" Squee, tied up next to Keef swallowed.

Xxx

"This spaghetti is really good though, they know their stuff," Carlos, eating a bowl of oddly red spaghetti smiled, wiping 'sauce' off of his chin.

"Look, we need to catch up to the PAK thieves, and fast!" Zim declared. "So do your jobs and let's go!"

"Aye-aye!" Carlos snapped a salute, as did Kurt and GIR.

Xxx

**Three hours and a few million miles later**

The crew of the Omni-Hunter was lounging around in the cargo bay, munching on snacks. Many of them now had pot bellies and were greasy haired and looked tired.

"It's been three **hours** since we left that cesspool of a planet," Hellion groaned, sitting back against a crate with nacho cheese around his mouth and his belly now bloated.

"And two since the engines failed." Next to him, Nny, sucking on what had been an alien's rib groaned.

GIR was hopping up and down on his head while Minimoose and MIMI watched him, seemingly entertained by this. Gaz was playing her Game Slave on the upper deck of the cargo bay, legs dangling down. Lok and Zim were up on the bridge, trying to figure out the problem while Loe was in the engine compartment, actually fixing it by hand.

Dib was sitting a few feet away, breathing deeply. Tak was drawing pictures of herself killing Zim-but accidently drew one of herself kissing him. She growled and ripped it apart, crumpled the pieces into a ball and tossed it over her shoulder.

It struck Dib on his **Hideously Gigantic Monster of a Head**...which was the last straw.

"Oh man, I've gone mad!" Dib declared, leaping to his feet, shouting for all to hear. "I'VE GOT CABIN FEVER!"

"I've got it too!" GIR cheered.

"We've got cabin fever!" Everybody shouted, causing Gaz to look down in curiosity, and then go back to her game.

Dib started them off.

_**I got cabin fever!**_

_**It's burning in my brain!**_

Tak joined in, shoving Dib aside as he clutched his HUGE head.

_**I've got cabin fever!**_

_**It's driving me insane!**_

She formed one hand into the shape of a gun, placed it against the side of her skull, and pretended to blow her brains out.

Carlos, leading several other crew members picked up from there.

_**We've got cabin fever!**_

_**We're flipping our bandanas!**_

They all pointed to one crew member who wore a bandana, and was indeed flipping it back and forth as he danced. Carlos took the lead, leaping on top of a crate.

_**Been afloat in space for so long, we've simply gone bananas!**_

Suddenly many crew members had changed into sombreros, and one particularly fat Planet Jacker took up a rhythm he beat out while he danced around, crushing a few unfortunate aliens under his feet.

Then one by one, various crew members cried out. "I've got cabin fever!"

"I have cabin fever!" Carlos grinned.

"I have cabin fever!" GIR giggled.

"I've got cabin fever!" Dib grinned, one eye twitching.

Then the spot light went on Gaz, and the music stopped. She glanced up again, seeing all eyes on her.

"...I've got cabin fever."

Then things resumed! The music picked up as Loe appeared from a nearby hatch, leading a dozen crew members in the next set.

_**We've got cabin fever,**_

_**We've lost what sense we had!**_

Loe made a 'coo-coo' motion by placing his right hand next to his head, pointing one finger at himself and rotating that finger.

_**We've got cabin fever**_

_**WE'RE ALL GOING MAD!**_

As one Hellion and Nny had finished the next set and grabbed two unfortunate crew members, dragging them away to never be seen again.

"I have cabin fever!" Loe giggled insidiously.

"I have cabin fever!" Kay then dragged a third crew member in the same direction Nny and Hellion had gone.

Up in the bridge, by complete coincidence, Lok wiped some sweat off his head as he and Zim tried to get the AC and the engines working. "If this keeps up, _I'll_ have cabin fever."

Not deterred, the crew kept going. One alien began to play a banjo, and took on a more...old west approach to the song. Irken Rikalo 'Rik' took over, tapping one boot to the rhythm as he tilted his new cowboy hat down over his eyes.

_**Grab your partner by the ears,**_

_**Lash him to the wheel!**_

Nyy just did that, nailing the poor alien's ears to the wheel of a ground vehicle packed into the back of the cargo bay. He snickered evilly as he moved in for the kill.

Rik raised one non-existent eyebrow, and gave the poor soon to be eaten alien some help.

_**Do-si-do, step on his toe,**_

_**Listen to him squeal!**_

Loe came to the rescue, pounding on Nny's toe-for some reason Nny's steel toed boots were gone at this time. Nny yelped, hopping up and down on one foot and cursing while his victim got free and ran away. Nny shook a fist at Loe, who spat his tongue at the homicidal maniac and ran back to the group.

Satisfied, Rik continued his musical torment.

_**Allemande left, allemande right,**_

_**It's time to fly or fall!**_

Several crew members began to dance together, moving in a constant rotation.

_**Swing your partner through the air lock,**_

_**Go on, have a ball!**_

Dib and Tak tossed two crewmembers into the air lock. Luckily they were too insane to notice it close, and they had pressure suits on when the outer doors opened and sucked them out.

Carlos, Tak and Dib then sat on a crate together, looking like they were posing for a fashion magazine.

Carlos: **We have cabin fever!**

Dib:** No ifs, ands, or buts.**

Tak: **We're disoriented.**

Carlos and Dib: **And Demented!**

All of them together: **And a little nuts!**

Hellion and Nny took over, perched on the railing of the upper deck.

_**We were flying, flying!**_

_**With big guns on our side!**_

Their expressions darkened, and their next words came out as a low drawl.

_**Then our engines died.**_

"I've got cabin fever!" Nny leaped down, arms spread.

"I got cabin fever!" Hellion licked his lips.

"I've got cabin fever," Rik drawled, one foot propped up on a small crate as his hat was tilted down over his eyes-the pose combined with his shirt vanishing made female crew swoon.

The spot light went on Kurt, who sat next to Gaz. He stared at them all...then knew they wouldn't stop until they were done, so he shrugged an opened his mouth.

"I've got cabin fever."

THOOM! A black hole tore open and sucked a few more crew in, shutting moments later.

Tak took over, dancing with a few of the female crew.

_**I've got cabin fever**_

_**I think I've lost my grip!**_

She and her backup dancers feigned a swoon, falling on their backs and then rising fluidly to their feet.

Gaz muttered bitterly, taking over for Tak.

_**I'd like to get my hands on**_

_**Whoever wrote this script.**_

She was mostly referring to how this Cabin Fever episode made the characters act so...out of character.

Then surprisingly, Invader Klee, the demonic Irken who stole Zim's PAK the second time moved into view. Her voice was opera worthy as she sang slowly, her hips swaying back and forth.

_**I was floating near a dyin' sun...**_

_**Dreeeeeeamin' of the man who was the one...**_

_**Nooooow my sanity's gone and done! Haha!**_

The twenty eight or so remaining expendable crew members lined up for the main part of their opera of insanity.

_**Cabin fever has ravaged all aboard!**_

_**This once proud vessel has become a mobile psycho ward!**_

Tak and Dib stepped forward, catching top hats and canes from nowhere and danced side by side.

_**We were flying, flying!**_

_**Headed who knows where!**_

_**And now though we're all here!**_

_**We're not, all, THERE!**_

They ended the song on one knee, arms thrown up over their heads as everybody else broke out into chaotic celebrations of doom!

TSEW! TSEW! TSEW!

The laser shots from Lok's pistol roused them from their dementia.

Lok stood next to Zim on the upper deck.

"What the florp are you all doing?" Zim shouted. "The engines are fixed so get your lazy butts into gear!"

"Sorry!"

"Sorry sir!"

"I feel so stupid now."

"Can't believe we let it get to us!"

"Why are there holes in my ears?"

Zim sighed as the crew scattered. "I'm doomed." He looked at Gaz. "Gaz-human, is this cabin fever a normal thing for humans?"

Gaz shrugged. "Apparently its normal for aliens too."

"...she has a point," Lok whispered.

Zim scoffed. "Please, I journeyed for six months to Earth on a Voot Cruiser with GIR and I had no cabin fever!"

"...you can't do much more damage to a brain like that Zim." Lok sighed, walking away.

"What's that mean?" Zim blinked. "Hey what's that supposed to mean? Get back here! What's it mean?"

"Oh nothing," Lok lied as Zim followed him.

"No, no, no! You said something, I want to know what it means!" Zim snapped.

"Oh nothing, nothing," Lok said sheepishly. "Have a nice day sir."

"Look, you crazy bounty hunter who's name I still have yet to find out, don't think your mysterious and bad ass ways can make you immune to my command!" Zim said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I must siphon power from the power core."

As Zim ran off, one crew member glanced over "Don't we need the power for life support?"

Lok blinked. "...ZIM!" He ran off after the deranged Captain.

Xxx

**Day Seven**

Dear Journal, I am carving you into the wall of my quarters, as all of the paper on board has been stolen and wound up in the men's bath room. I dare not risk using my data pad with all of the viruses and spam the crew has uploaded, and MIMI vanished days ago.

Something aboard has conspired to eliminate me; that is the only reasonable theory I have thought up. Slowly the crew has dwindled down despite the increasing size of every dinner meal provided by the chefs-which oddly tastes a little too coppery for my tastes. I can only assume that Zim has lured me here to destroy me.

We stop every day on a planet for Zim to recharge. We must always make it an inhabited planet, or else Zim will siphon energy from our belongings.

The worst part is that now Zim has technically successfully invaded...19 planets during his attempts to get more power.

I fear we will not survive the trip...to retrieve Zim's cursed PAK, the cause of all my troubles.

"TAK! STOP IT!" Gaz growled, sitting on the bed opposite from Tak, who was scratching words into the wall with her PAK legs-making a very loud screeching noise. "I am trying to finish the final level!"

The door flew open, and Loe grinned. "...nice."

Tak blushed darkly as she realized she had not finished changing clothes. Her shirt/cape lay on the floor while she just wore her pants, boots, and a standard Irken sports bra...revealing a tattoo on her tummy of her own name in purple, which matched the bra colour.

Her gaze darkened as her eyes narrowed.

THWACK! SPLAT! ZIP! SPLAT! CRUNCH! THWACK! THUD! THUD! THUD! BANG! CRACK! THWACK! MOO! PINCH! NIPPLE TWIST! THWACK! DOH! TEE-HEE! GIGGITY-GIGGITY-GOO! BEEP BEEP! Meep.

Loe lay on the floor, badly beaten. "Der..."

A note fell out of his broken, mangled hands.

_Dear Tak and Gaz-future concubines_

_We have arrived at the planet that the almighty ZIM has traced his PAK to. Report to the bridge._

_PS, don't kill the Loe-Slave, ZIM needs somebody to do his foot rub._

_Signed-ZIM!_

Gaz glanced down at Loe. "...pervert."

They left Loe to either die or miraculously survive.

Xxx

"So...what is this planet?" Tak asked as she gazed at the world before them.

"Well, it's got habitable atmosphere," Lok read off a list compiled from scanning the planet. "Plenty of wild life and...looks like a few villages even, not too sure."

"Enough talk Mysterious One, where is Zim's PAK?" Zim demanded.

"Right...in this area," Lok tapped a spot on a map on the main screen. "Right in this village."

"Excellent!" Zim smirked. "Let the invasion begin!" He laughed maniacally.

"...Why don't we just fly down and ask around instead?" Lok deadpanned.

"Aw...but I had my favourite grenade launcher for this!" Carlos whined, holding up the weapon.

Xxx

End of Part 1 of Zim Looks for Batteries 3


	2. Chapter 2

Zim Looks For Batteries 3: The Cake Eating Robot From Beyond the Star

Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez

There was too much to do to make this into a one shot, so it will be...2-3 chapters maybe.

I don't own Invader Zim, Crank, Muppet's Treasure Island, Star Wars, Aliens, Predator, Aliens Vs. Predator, or anything related to them.

Xxx

**Part 2: Sweet, sweet insanity**

"Ok, so the PAK should be right in that area," Tak muttered.

"And fifteen pirates lay dead as Captan Flint returned...with a stash of gasoline and girlfriends!" Carlos announced.

"Carlos-maniac, what are you doing?" Lok asked as he and several others equipped multiple weapons.

"I am writing my own version of Treasure Island!" Carlos grinned. "Which by the way I think will be a lot more received in a positive manner."

"Look, can you focus for five seconds?" Tak demanded. "We have to find Zim's PAK so we can go home."

"Aw come on Tak, what's so bad that you need to divert my attention away from my story now?" Carlos asked.

"Well I think I might have a very good reason," Loe said as he stared out of the bridge's main canopy.

"What s it Loe-slave?" Zim demanded.

"Uh...the ship that's flying right at us?" Loe pointed to a small, rather cheap looking ship that was charging at the Omni-Hunter.

Rik tilted his hat up. "Why does that ship look familiar...-"

THUD! The ship struck the side of the Omni-Hunter, and began to carve a hole into the hull for the occupant to enter through. The group stared, wide eyed at the hole as smoke poured out of it.

"I want my cold unfeeling robot arm," Loe whimpered, hiding behind Lok, who stood alongside Tak, Rik, Kurt, Zim, and Carlos with their weapons out.

An Irken stepped out of the hole. He was taller than most of the group, and wore ragged clothing and sun glasses over his eyes. He grinned wickedly. "Hehehehe...Ellloooooo! I am looking for Invader Zim!"

"...What did you do this time Zim?" Lok glared at Zim.

"I haven't done anything to this guy, I don't even know him!" Zim shrugged.

"Ah ha! So he is here!" The Irken cackled. "About time, I blasted fifteen ships and ten planets trying to get here!"

"...you did all that just to find one guy?" Dib asked.

"Eets hard to pilot a ship and navigate through ze universe when you are _blind!_" The Irken snapped. "So shut eet! Alright?"

"Geez, fine," Dib said, backing away nervously.

"Good!" The Irken nodded. "And now to continue my dramatic and evil entrance! I am Blind _Peon!_"

"Blind...Peed...on?" Carlos asked.

"No! Blind Peon! Get eet right you underdeveloped swine!" Blind Peon snapped.

"I resent that!" Carlos frowned. "...I'm not underdeveloped; I just don't pay attention a whole lot."

"Now I am here because quite frankly, ze Pirates Guild and I have invested heavily in Invader Zim and his search for his PAK!" Blind Peon continued.

"Huh? My PAK!" Zim leaped on Blind Peon, grasping his coat. "Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Talk you French Pirate stereotype!"

"Get off of me!" Blind Peon shoved him off. "I am not 'ere to tell you about ze PAK! I am 'ere to tell you about...zis!" He placed a single slip of paper in Zim's hand.

"...a coupon for 50 percent off all orders at any restaurant on Foodcourtia?...thanks!" Zim pocketed it.

"Vhat? No, no, no," The French Accented Irken grumbled as he searched his pockets. "Here!" He slammed another slip of paper into Zim's open palm.

"...a letter from...'My Long Lost Love Gertrude'?" Zim blinked. "Don't know here, but I once made out with an Irken girl named Lertrode."

"Vhat? Gimme zat!" Blind Peon tore the paper out of his hand and replaced it with another.

"Ooh, a free ticket to Irken Opera on Conventia? Nice!" Zim grinned. "I've been trying forever to get one of these! They always serve the best food and there's a game store complex just across from that!"

"Wait, you said...game complex?" Gaz stood up.

"Oh yeah, there's a huge game store that sells millions of types of games across that part of the galaxy!" Zim nodded. "One day the almighty Zim shall take you there, Future Concubine Number One!"

"Damn eet!" Blind Peon grumbled. "I know I put it in ze one pocket I could find! Ah ha! Here we go!"

He placed a slip of paper with a red Irken Symbol surrounded by a red circle in Zim's hand.

Zim stared at it...and every Irken on the bridge gasped in horror.

"It...It...what is this?" Zim held up the paper.

"That's from Captain Dav's crew!" Lok said. "Now I know you..."

"Blind Peon, formerly known as One-Eye Peon!" Rik growled.

"One-Eye Peon?" Dib asked.

"He used to have one working eye when we last met," Rik shrugged. "I kinda...shot it."

"Hm?" Blind Peon grunted. "I know zat voice! Reekalo!" He laughed. "Oh hoho! Zis ees going to be fun! Delivering death sentences to Zim so we can collect money and I can keel the no good swine who took my eye! Now where are you?" He whipped out a sword that he swung wildly.

"...this is sad," Dib said.

"Heh? HAIIII-" THUD!

"AHHHH!" Dib let out a high ptched scream as Blind Peon almost impaled hsi head on his sword, which stuck out of the wall next to it.

"Ah ha! Leetle girl eh? With a big head too! Tell me where Reekalo is!" Blind Peon demanded.

"I'm not a girl and my head's not big!" Dib snapped,

"I may be blind, but I can tell you are lying!" Blind Peon chuckled.

"About the big head, right?" Carlos asked.

"You!" Blind Peon aimed his sword at Carlos. "Idiotic sounding creature I cannot see!"

"I'm not idiotic!" Carlos whined.

"But I can just tell you have done some things zat may be classified as idiotic!" Blind Peon pointed out.

"How did he know?" Carlos gasped in shock.

"I know...I know zat you forgot to do up your belt buckle!" Blind Peon declared.

Carlos scoffed. "Oh yeah right buddy, I can just tell-oh," He looked down, seeing his pants had dropped, leaving him in his boxers. "Pardon me everybody." He backed out of the room.

"Now that said idiot is gone, you, Big head girl, tell me where Reekalo ees!" Blind Peon demanded.

Lok sighed. "Look, Peon-"

"_Blind_ Peon!" Blind Peon snapped.

"Blind Peon," Lok corrected himself. "I can assure you..." He silently gestured to Rik. "That there is nobody here..." Rik slowly drew a gun. "Named Rikalo..."

_Click._

Rik charged his gun.

"Huh? HAIIIII!" Blind Peon flew across the bridge and swung his sword, knocking the pistol from Rik's hand and then held his blade to Rik's throat. "Hoho! Zere you are Reekalo!"

"How does he _do_ that?" Dib asked, shocked.

"That was actually impressive," Tak muttered.

"Huh? Who said zat?" Blind Peon swung around, swinging his sword a bit before he returned to Rik.

"...never mind, he's stupid," Tak sighed.

"So, Reekalo! Hiding yourself among these swine! I know eet ees you, and you owe me an eye!" Blind Peon snickered...not noticing Rik had stealthily replaced himself with Squee on a stool.

"Squee!" Squee squeaked.

"Hm...your voice ees also too high peetched...my apologizes leetle girl," Blind Peon bowed and backed off. "Hm...anyvays...we of ze Pirates Guild have placed a One Million Monie bet on Zim dying in three to one odds, and zat Red Spot zere is Irken Pirate Death Sentence! Anybody not named Zim, get off zis boat immediately-"

"We're on a spaceship, moron," Gaz muttered.

"Spacesheep?" Blind Peon looked around-or tried to. "Zen vhere deed I send my henchmen when I sent zem aboard?"

Xxx

"My god, my horoscope was right," An Irken Pirate muttered as he and fifty more Irkens floated around in their space suits. "The Captain would maroon us out here!"

"...anybody wanna play rock-paper-scissors until our PAKs shut down?" One crew member asked.

"Sure!" Dozens of pirates grinned.

Xxx

"Well...zees ees a deesappointment, I vas certain zey had you guys on your knees and bound, oh well." Blind Peon held a sword over his head. "Anybody not named Zim, get off zis..._spacesheep_, or else vhen pirates come, you suffer horrible death!...oh, and Reekalo, I know you are steel here, and vhen you are dead I shall have your eyes surgically implanted into my eye sockets to replace mine!" He laughed maniacally and stormed back to his pod...and tripped over GIR. "AH! Watch vhere you're going you stupeed cat!"

"Mrow!" GIR faked a cat sound.

"You shall remember zis as ze day zat you vere veeseeted by...Blind Peon!" Peon cackled...and hit his head off the top of the hole he had made. "Ow! Who put zees here? Damn eet!" He then stumbled in.

CRASH!

"Ouch!" The ship disconnected-letting a shield cover the breach in the hull as it took off.

"...we are so doomed," Tak muttered.

"...back to business!" Zim declared. "We find Zim's PAK and-"

"Zim do you even realize what happened?" Lok demanded.

"Don't try to reason with stupid," Rik sighed, holstering his gun.

"Hey! I am your captain!" Zim snapped. "And second of all, I am perfectly aware of what just happened!...a deranged blind guy hates you for stealing his eye!" He 'tsked'. "So shameful, _Reekalo._" He faked the overdone French accent Blind Peon used. "Now let's go!"

"Zim that red spot he gave you is an Irken Pirate's death sentence ,they're coming to kill us all!" Tak shouted.

"Oh please, like that's anything new," Zim said. "At some point in time you've all tried to kill me in the past, why should I be worried about those pirates?"

"...they hate...uh...energy?" Carlos lied.

"...THEY'RE COMING TO KILL ME!" Zim wailed. "We need to get my PAK back and get out of here, fast! To the shuttles!"

Xxx

**Three minutes later! ...=D**

"Ow...why?" Rik groaned, sitting upside down in his seat.

"Sorry," Zim said quickly as he held onto the controls.

The shuttle had crashed into the trunk of a massive tree...which was knocked over now. The shuttle was upside down.

"Well, let's get outta here," Carlos sighed as he opened the main hatch.

"Wait don't open that, it's an alien planet!" Dib cried as he struggled to get out of his seat. "Is there clean air? You don't know!"

Carlos sniffed around a bit. "...seems fine to me."

"And we ran a check of this world before we set out, Dib-stink," Zim added. "You'll be fine...for now."

They all piled out of the shuttle with what supplies they could carry.

"This is why I only let Kay drive," Lok shook his head as he stared at the ruin remains of the shuttle.

"I said I was sorry, I didn't know you had to know how to parallel park to land that thing!" Zim whined.

"Zim, shut up and let's go find your dam PAK," Lok grumbled, hefting a rifle. "Everybody form up and let's move out!"

Zim, Lok, Loe, Kay, Rik, Tak, Dib, Gaz, GIR, MIMI, Kurt, and Carlos trekked through the jungle they had landed in. All around was the wonder of nature-

"Rubbish!" Carlos shouted. "We're in a swamp and it really stinks!"

Hush you! Now, they proceeded along a path flanked by rows of pretty, exotic flowers and rows of-

"Quit lying! I see giant mutant snakes in the water here!" Dib cut me off. "And I think something crawled into my boot! This place sucks!"

Damn it I'm trying to narrate!

"Then do it right!"

Oh I'll show you! Suddenly Dib's head grew twice as big!

"Aw man!" He whined, holding his now even more hideously bloated head. "Now my head really is big!"

"Yeah, _now it is,_" Gaz scoffed.

Proceeding through the swamp-okay yes it's a yucky old swamp with giant monsters in it, like Degobah from Star Wars, happy? The team climbed a slope that led out of the trees and into clear sun light.

"Aw thank god," Carlos sighed. "We got out of there and not a single thing went wrong!"

He failed to notice the parasite sucking his brain matter out through the back of his head. With wide eyes, Kurt cautiously pulled out an electric bug zapper and raised it, slowly rearing it back...and swung-

Carlos turned. "Hey Kurt, I was thinking I should stop chasing you from now-"

TZZZZZZ!

Carlos fell over, and the brain eating parasite flew away. Twitching, the maniac looked at Kurt. "So, a pre-emptive strike in a time of negotiations, eh Kurt? Well there shall never be peace between us now buddy boy! You're dead...when we get home!"

Kurt slapped himself in the face, shaking his head and cursing his luck.

"Will you two evolutionary failures shut up and get up here?" Tak growled from the top of the slope.

"We're the evolutionary failures?" Carlos scoffed. "I can fly, shoot fire, survive getting crushed, beaten, sliced apart ,and impregnated with an alien parasite that burst out of my chest. You need life support 24/7, and put some fancy gizmos in it to make it look like a good thing."

"Wait, alien parasite-" Dib began.

"Silence!" Zim shouted. "Behold...the village where my Zimmy PAK...of Zimminess is hidden!"

"Is there a Zimmy Dictionary?" Rik muttered.

"Why yes, yes there is," Zim nodded, holding up a 600 page dictionary titled 'A ZIMMY DICTIONARY, WRITTEN BY THE ALMIGHTY ZIM'. "Want one? You can have it for 80 percent off."

"...aw what the hell," Rik paid for it and quickly began to look through it.

The settlement below looked like it belonged in the human middle ages. It had huts and a few buildings made of stone. Wagons pulled by large alien animals roamed around, and when they approached they were greeted by the same thing that any team of explorers must apparently face when they find a culture less advanced than their own...

"INVADERS!" A Vortian shrieked, leaping into the back of the cart he was leading...which unfortunately was filled with droppings from the very animals towing it. "INVADERS! OH GOD MY EYES ARE MELTING!"

The village, made up of multiple aliens both known and new to the team began to panic. Warriors flowed out, armed with spears and rocks...the best that the Middle Ages could apparently afford on other worlds.

"Halt Invader scum!" A large cyan skinned alien with yellow eyes shouted.

"Whoa now, we're not Invaders!" Rik said, though he had his gun out.

"That's what the last group said!" The leader spat. "Then they angered the Great Beast with their intrusion! Because of you interlopers half of our village will be devoured unless we can meet the required offerings by tomorrow!"

"Wait, offerings?" Dib blinked. "Great Beast?"

"Halt my children!" And here came another cliché used in shows and stories where you meet a new culture...the religious leader, which was actually a human, a very skinny and old one, but human none the less. "I can see into this boy's gigantic head!...we have found our saviours!"

And cue another cliché, spontaneous prophecies.

"Saviours? Hah!" Zim scoffed. "We don't save anything!" He extended his PAK legs and blasted a nearby cart to pieces. "We destroy! See?"

"...the cart must have been secretly possessed by evil spirits!" One warrior cried, dropping his spear. "Why else would he destroy it?"

"My god, what secret knowledge could they possess that our puny minds cannot comprehend?" Another whimpered fearfully.

They all fell to their knees, bowing repeatedly.

"All hail the moosey lord who hath come to take you all unto a path with...PEANUTS!" GIR declared before shooting peanuts out of his head.

"All hail the Peanut Lord!" The crowd cheered as they were bombarded by LOTS of peanuts...thankfully nobody was allergic.

"Yeah, yeah, now tell me where my PAK is!" Zim demanded.

"The PAK? The unholy object brought by the other Invaders?" The Prophet asked. "They took it to the cave under this village, the cave of the Great Beast."

"The one you make offerings to?" Dib asked.

"Yes, yes, please, let us show you our hospitality as we explain the Great Beast," The Prophet led them into the village.

Xxx

"Oh yeah...ah..." Tak sighed as she was given a massage by two of the more muscular men of the village while lying on her stomach. "Yeah...I haven't been this relaxed ever since I heard Zim's name and learned of his existence."

"Weren't we born in the same Smeet Cluster?" Zim asked, lying on his stomach next to her as two Irken girls gave him a massage and a foot rub. "And hey you pathetic primitives watch where you lay your hands on Zim's future concubine!"

"Our apologies, Peanut Lord!" both men fell to their knees, sobbing.

"Oh get up and keep going," Tak groaned.

"Yes Peanut Lady!" They both stood up and continued their work.

"Man, for a devolved culture they sure know how to roll out the red carpet," Carlos said, grinning as he sat on an open fire, clad in only a towel. "Ah..." He grinned dumbly, relaxing. "Burning..."

The rest of the group was being given similar treatments as the Prophet gathered many texts and scrolls on his desk nearby. "Here we are...the Great Beast! It fell from the skies many decades ago!"

Another cliché, gods and monsters being aliens. Aren't I on a roll today?

"When it first approached it was docile and friendly, but then..." The Prophet's visage darkened. "...we ran out of its favourite food."

"So it got cranky and forced you to use what technology you had to build a factory to make more?" Carlos asked.

"Why yes, how did you know?"

"Because this village smells way too delicious!" Carlos replied. "Almost like...ah it's on the tip of my tongue!"

"Anyhow...ever since then, every week we must make a periodic offering to the Great Beast of its favourite food," The Prophet said as the group got up from their various tables and chairs and got dressed.

"What is it?" Dib asked as he sat down next to Gaz, who was getting her hair done by a 16 armed alien that had some rather handy hair dressing skills.

"It is the holiest of delicacies, and despite there being so much of it in our food production facility, we cannot even take a lick of it!" The Prophet explained. "For he who puts his finger on the holy desert and puts it in his mouth shalt pay for it with his soul!"

Again, the religious clichés are all around.

"For nothing is as delicious as..." The Prophet paused...Dramatically! "...the cake!"

Silence fell over the group.

"...cake?" Dib blinked. "What's so important about cake? It's not special at all!"

"But think about it comrade, it's cake!" Carlos pointed out. "Who doesn't like a little cake every little while?"

The rest of the group nodded, mumbling their agreements.

"We must all offer cake to the great beast, lest we become one the next cake it eats!" The Prophet continued.

"...it turns you into a cake?" Zim asked.

"It makes us bake the infidels who fail to comply _into_ the cake," The Prophet corrected him.

Loe gulped. "I suddenly wanna go back up to the ship."

"You whined about being blown up on the ship while we'd be busy retrieving the PAK." Lok glared at the analyst.

"I wanna have cake!" Kay whined.

"You cannot! It is forbidden!" The Prophet snapped. "but...suppose the Great Beast were to die...then all the cake would be free for you to eat."

"...LET'S GO KICK SOME ASS!" Kay declared ,standing on top of Zim's head.

"...can you get off me?" Zim asked.

"...no, not really. I'm scared to get down!" Kay whined, gripping Zim's head. "It's so high, it's so high!"

"He's five foot nothing!" Carlos said.

"Still too high! I always stand on Loe's head!" Kay whimpered.

(Note, Loe is much shorter than Zim in this)

"We need to think of a way to get inside that cave and kill the beats so I can get my PAK back," Zim muttered.

"There is another entrance outside the village, but it is filled with deadly monsters," The Prophet said.

"Let's try it," Rik said, lighting a cigarette and putting on a cow boy hat. "I need the exercise."

Xxx

"...how did _they _get here?" Carlos groaned.

"You know these things?" Dib asked, peering through binoculars down into the ravine at the banana headed aliens with black carapaces and long tails.

"In a way a subspecies of theirs got to know me way too much," Carlos shuddered. "We need a way to get by them."

"Let's just blast our way to the cave," Rik suggested.

"There could be thousands more inside," Tak shot that idea down. "We could trigger a planet wide infestation by angering them."

"So how do we get in?" Dib asked.

"Hm...I may have a plan," Carlos said. "I'll head down, you guys cover me."

Xxx

"**So...how'd the last hunt go?"** One Xenomorph, who henceforth shall be named...Gary asked his friend, Simon.

"**Meh, not bad, got some extra meat out of it,"** Simon shrugged.

"**Shut up you two, somebody is coming!"** A third Xenomorph, Mickey hissed, perched on a rock above the cave entrance.

"**Wait, what? Coming **_**towards**_** us? Of their own free will?" **Simon stared at Carlos as he walked down the ravine towards them. **"Hm...he smells of our kind."**

"**I'll go talk to him, guard the hive entrance,"** Mickey leaped down and approached Carlos.

Carlos raised a hand in greeting. "Greetings! I am the Carlos! I come in peace!"

Mickey hissed at him. **"Shut up, you hideous peace of food."**

"I think I've gotten off to a good start." Carlos whispered into his radio. "Now I just need to persuade them to let me mate with one of their females and we're in!"

"Keep up the good work Maniac," Rik whispered back. "In the mean time uh...we are relocating to a better tactical position." In reality several Xenomorphs had snuck up on them and chased them all away.

"Alright, be careful," Carlos hang up. "So...are there any lonely Xenomorph gals waiting around?"

The three Xenomorphs exchanged a look, and then escorted Carlos inside.

"Well hello there-OH SWEET MOMMA!" Carlos shouted as unspeakable things were done to him. "HOLY-No need to get so aggressive ladies! Whoa now don't you go there, don't you-oh, oh, too late, he went there, never mind."

Xxx

**Three hours later...**

Carlos stumbled out of the cave, his clothes ruffled and he was covered in some sort of bodily fluid that was not the acidic blood of the xenomorphs. He looked at his companions with wide eyes and said. "I hurt in places that don't exist...but the queen says we can go through." He collapsed.

Inside the Queen was still uh...purring with pleasure as it thought about that delicious human, who had been kind enough to foster not one, but six hatchlings for her in the span of three hours! She looked down at her six new children, who stared back up at her. They all had bat like wings, oddly, and whe none opened its single mouth it said...

"I am deh Carwos!"

The Jedi certainly felt the disturbance in the force when _that_ happened.

Xxx

End of Part Two!


	3. Chapter 3: I'm Back Baby!

Zim Looks For Batteries 3: The Cake Eating Robot From Beyond the Star

Invader Zim belongs to Jhonen Vasquez

There was too much to do to make this into a one shot, so it will be...2-3 chapters maybe.

I don't own Invader Zim, Crank, Muppet's Treasure Island, Star Wars, Aliens, Predator, Aliens Vs. Predator, or anything related to them.

Xxx

Part 3

"I can't believe you did that," Dib deadpanned. "Did you come on this mission just so you could do _that?_ What'll Melissa say?"

"I had no choice Comrade Big Head, the Xenomorphs are a very territorial race, and aside from mine and Kurt's powers we had little in practical ways to fight the horde off," Carlos replied.

"...I saw the Queen give you her phone number," Dib glared at the maniac.

"...she's girl friend number eight then," Carlos replied abruptly. "But putting aside how much of a lady's man you 'aren't', let's continue."

"Yes, please, your bickering gives Zim the headache of all headaches!" Zim groaned, hands on his head. "Can we please focus on where we're going?"

Taptap! Zim looked at Kurt. "What is it Kurt-Human?"

Kurt signed a message to him.

"You're right, we should be prepared for the Great Beast's lair!" Zim said.

Kurt sighed. Zim hadn't entirely understood him aside from the word's 'cake beast'. He held up the flashlight he was using and aimed it...

"Holy Mother of Miyuki!" Zim shouted as he saw a _massive_ statue that was so big they could only see its big, round feet. "Wh-wh-oa! Wow those villagers are good!"

"That's how big the Beast is? No wonder they give it what it wants!" Tak said.

"It's bigger than a moose!" Lok muttered.

"I suddenly wanna go back to the ship and wait to get blown up!" Loe whined.

"It's just a statue, it doesn't mean the beast is that big...right?" Lok looked around as alien crickets started chirping. "Right?"

By then the others had moved on-except for Loe, who Lok held by the back of his shirt as he tried to run away.

Xxx

"Ok, my PAK is around here," Zim said. "We sneak in, get the PAK, sneak out ,and Zim does not get bothered by the Cake Beast."

"Good luck with that Zim," Rik nodded.

"What? What will you guys be doing?"

"Uh...we will...wait right here and hold down the fort!" Dib replied.

"...oh, okay," Zim shrugged. "GIR! Minimoose!"

"Yes my master!"

"Squeak!"

"In the event of my death, GIR you will fly back to Earth and initiate Plan B. Minimoose...you self destruct and take out this whole planet. That'll show this Great Beast to kill Zim!" Zim declared.

"What about us?" Tak demanded.

"What about you?"

"Won't we die horribly if Minimoose blows up?" Dib asked.

"Yes, you all will die very horrific and painful deaths...but seeing as how I don't really like any of you anyways I don't see how it matters to me." Zim shrugged. "Dib, you tried to expose and diesct me and stopped many of my ingenious plans. Tak, you tried to steal my misson for reasons I have yet to find out. Carlos-Maniac...you just creep me out."

"I have that effect on people," Carlos shrugged.

"Kurt-Human, you're just...you're just...there."

Kurt shrugged.

"Nameless One still gets mad at me for no apparent reason just because I can't figure out his name. Kay, you jumped on my head. Loe, you're a whiner. Gaz-Human, you're not really a pain but you stopped me from turning your brother inside out so...yeah." Zim nodded. "I don't care if any of you are here when this planet blows up. So...goodbye, and pray that Zim prevails!"

As he ran off, Rik looked at the group. "...do I have to stay here?"

Zim suddenly called back. "You're a Clint Eastwood rip off and I don't care if you die either!"

"Aw heck," Rik stamped one foot.

"...well, I'm gonna sit down and relax!" Carlos sat down.

"Carlos didn't you hear? He's gonna blow up the planet with us on it!" Dib said.

"And that'll mean he's invaded even _more_ planets than I have!" Tak whined.

"...and?" Carlos tilted his head.

"...forget it, " Dib sighed. "If we wanna live...Zim has to win this time. So come on!" He ran ahead... "Guys? Aren't you coming?"

"...let's see...on one hand: blown up and dying in a horribly fiery death. On other hand: go with Zim to get eaten by giant beast..." Carlos said uncertainly.

"...I'll give each of you some gum," Dib held up a packet of cherry flavoured gum.

"...deal!" Immediately everybody took a piece.

"Let's go kick some cake eating ass!" Carlos declared. "In the name of cherry flavoured gum!"

"YEAH!" The group shouted.

"And saving the planet!" Dib added.

"Er...yeah, whatever."

"Sure."

"Why not?"

"Aw fine."

They all muttered bitterly as they followed Dib.

Xxx

Zim, using his signature 'goose step' style marched into the chamber where his PAK signal originated from. He took a glance around. "Hmmmm..."

Then he saw it across the rough terrain of rocks and crevices, resting on a set of stones that may as well have been some holy altar. It shined with an angelic chorus playing in the background...the PAK!

"**Paaaaaak!" **Zim cried out in slow motion as he rushed towards it, arms outstretched with a wide eyed, eager look. It was practically calling out to him now...

"Why is he running so slow?" Lok asked thirty seconds later...when Zim had only moved a grand total of five feet.

"Uh oh...take a look," Tak pointed to a device built into the ceiling of the cavern, projecting a sort of field that Zim stood in. "Temporal Trap."

"Temporal Trap?" Dib asked, interested.

"It slows down anything within it to about one tenth of its average speed," Tak replied. "It's part of how some ships come to a complete stop, to lose velocity."

"And like that time Zim slowed me down and then used me to fast forward that explosion!" Dib said in wonder.

"I'm guessing that began because his device malfunctioned?"

"Yep!"

Tak sighed. "Carlos?"

"On it Peanut Lady!" Grinning dumbly, the demonic child formed his bat wings and flapped them, ascending to the device while skirting the top of the dome shaped field it projected. He sprang his claws out and dug them into the ceiling, crawling upside down towards it with inches between him and a purple barrier of temporal energy.

He examined the blockish device. It seemed highly armoured, nigh impenetrable, and with no seems to take advantage of...however the ON/OFF button located in clear view may have been a big help. The field vanished, and Zim shot forward to his PAK and leaped into the air with an ecstatic cry. He landed on the altar and picked it up. "Victory for Zim!" He cackled. "Behold the complete might of Invader Zim, Lord of Peanuts!"

Carlos, who was still latched to the ceiling looked at the device as it sparked and whined. "Uh...guys? I think I made it mad!" As he heard a repeated 'beep' that slowly sped up he was pretty damn sure he had started a countdown to an explosion. Right when he was sure it was going to detonate he closed his eyes...

"**CONGRATULATIONS!"**

"Huh?" Carlos stared as a robotic hand came out of the device, holding something.

"**You have successfully deactivated the Protomark Temporal Field Generator! As a prize, you have received a-"** Suddenly the eager, manly voice changed to a pleasant and neutral voice that spoke at room volume. "Non-alcoholic Beverage!"

It deposited a can of Irken Soda in Carlos' hand-the one he returned to normal and held out. The device fell silent as Carlos read a label. "Possible prize inside...? Sweet!"

He leaped down, using his wings to slow his fall and examined the can. "Chance to win...my own cruiser? Ooooohhhhh!" He hopped up and down like a five year old in a candy store. "Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!"

"It's like a monkey; you just can't help but think it's cute when it's so stupid." Gaz muttered, and Kurt nodded his head in agreement.

"So, who stole the PAK this time?" Dib asked. "And where's the Great Beast?"

"I don't read any life signs in here," Loe said, still shaking in pants wetting terror...scratch that, now it was just terror.

"What's that smell?" Kay sniffed the air, grimacing in disgust as she stood next to a blushing Loe.

"Well, nothing to do right now except see if this can has the prize!" Carlos grinned as he held up the can of Irken made soda.

"I wonder what it is..." He opened it with a 'hiss' as gasses escaped it.

_Ch-Chk!_

He looked up and came face to face with a shadowed figure with bright yellow eyes...and a gun pressed to his nose.

"Where is..." A female voice hissed. "_The cake?_"

Xxx

End of Part 3!


	4. Chapter 4

Zim Looks for Batteries 3: The Cake Eating Robot From Beyond The Stars

I do not own IZ, AVP, Crank, or anything else in this.

Xxx

"Uh...guys?" Carlos whispered, a gun shoved against his nose. "A little help here?"

"Not now Carlos-Maniac!" Zim shouted. "Can't you see we are busy celebrating the return of Zim's PAK?" He stood on the altar as people examined his glowing PAK. "See how it sparkles so wonderfully?"

"All hail the PAK..." the whole of the group chanted in a zombie like trance. "All hail the PAK...All hail the-"

"GUYS!"

"WHAT?" They all looked at Carlos.

"Oh crap-"

"Oh son of a-"

"Oh mother of-"

"Enough with the incomplete cursing! I have a gun jammed in my left nostril!" Carlos complained as the figure forced him back step by step.

"_Where...is...the cake?"_ The beast demanded again.

"Wait...aren't you way shorter than that statue we saw?" Carlos lit a ball of fire in one hand. "Let's take a good look at you-"

BANG!

"...Oh great, now I have to grow a whole new brain!" Carlos whined. "Okay, enough's enough!" He snatched the gun and then looked at...

A SIR unit that was tinged blue, clashing with its yellow eyes and chest.

"A SIR unit?" Zim and Tak said at the same time, staring with disbelief.

Suddenly it's eyes and chest turned pink and it grinned. It then balanced on one foot, hands clasps at it's chest. _"I loves roses!"_

"...the hell?" Dib voiced everybody's singular thought. "Is this just like GIR?"

"Wait a second..." Zim muttered as he watched the blue SIR perform a ballet around Carlos' feet. "Zim recognizes this SIR unit..."

"Oh relax Zim, this SIR units absolutely harmless!" Carlos said with a smile.

Suddenly the SIR stopped, and its pink segments turned yellow again. It smiled eerily and held up one hand with two fingers up.

"Aw...see? She's giving me the peace sign!" Carlos knelt to its level and returned the gesture. "Hello there cute little evil alien dudette!"

BOINK! It poked him in the eyes.

"AH!" The SIR then tackled Carlos, and proceeded to reveal a massive arsenal that is used to clobber, burn, and slice at him. "WHOA MOMMA! Why does this always happen to me?"

"Look out Carlos it's going down your shirt!" Tenn warned him.

"I know I know-" CRUNCH! "AH!" Carlos leaped to his feet, trying to reach under his shirt and jacket. "Don't you go near there you-" CRUNCH! "AH!" He rolled around in agony as Dib ran after him, kicking Carlos in an attempt to get the SIR unit out from under his clothes.

"Hold still! Hold still!" THUD! THUD! CRACK! CRUNCH!

"OW! OW! YOU'RE NOT HELPING! OUCH THAT WAS MY-" CRUNCH! "GAH! I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT!" Carlos threatened before the SIR unit popped out of the collar of his shirt. "Ah! Not the face-" CRUNCH! "Okay, okay the face!" THWACK! CRUNCH! "AH! NOT SO BAD COMPARED TO THE CROTCH SHOT!"

"Zim remembers this SIR unit from a long time ago..." Zim said as the world suddenly began to become wavy.

"Oh sure go to a flash back right when I'm in the middle of being tortured by this-" CRUNCH! "OH! My nose! MY NOSEE!-" CRUNCH! "AGH! How do you break that _twice?_"

Xxx

_Many years ago...on Conventia_

"_Step forward Invaders of Impending Doom!" Tallest Red called out to a line of Invaders. Unlike the Invaders of Impending Doom 2 these ones were all taller, the size of a human teenager or young adult at the least. All except for one...Zim, who was hopping up and down eagerly._

_After several SIR units were given out, a blue eyed female Irken stepped up. Red's eyes narrowed as he remembered Invader Skullene-and how she blew him off in the academy._

"_For you we have a...special SIR," He smirked. "Bring it forward."_

_A small blue SIR unit popped out of the chute and stood before Skullene. It slowly activated and then saluted. "S.A.R.A.H, reporting for duty."_

"Yes...Skullene got that one..."

"OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"Uh...Zim? Maybe we should hurry this flash back along. The robot's got Carlos hanging by his big toes and is beating him with a golf club."

"I'm moving as fast as I can Dib-Human!"

"Move faster."

"Very well Concubine Number One. Skullene was the only Invader aside from myself who survived the horrific events of Impending Doom 1...this may be attributed to the fact that she was off world while the other Invaders slacked off and got blown up! Lazy slackers, sitting in the middle of nowhere when they could be doing things? Well I taught them a lesson!"

"Get back to the damn flashback! No voiceovers!"

"Very well Concubine Number Two."

"_SARAH? What does that stand for?" Skullene asked cautiously, on guard now._

"_Suicide Attack Robot and Helper," SARAH replied. "Ready to..." Suddenly her green eyes turned pink and she giggled. "I wanna bunny! Can I have a bunny? And some cake?"_

"_Uh...no, we have a mission to do SARAH," Skullene said._

_Then her eyes turned yellow. "No...cake?"_

"_No cake-"_

_THOOM! Skullene back flipped out of range as SARAH fired a rocket where she had been standing._

"_I WANTS THE CAKE! GIVE ME THE CAKE!" SARAH wailed._

"_SARAH! As your mistress I order you to deactivate!" Skullene ordered. "RED! Pull this thing back, NOW!"_

"_Sorry Skully, it only responds to you now," Red sneered as he and Purple got out the Pop Corn. "Enjoy!"_

"_Oh I'll enjoy it alright you little-" Skullene then got an idea. "Okay then Red, you've made your point clear."_

"_I have?"_

"_Yes...SARAH! Red has the cake!"_

_SARAH froze in mid lunge, a blade in her hand inches from Skullene's right eye. "...cake?"_

"_Yes!" Skullene nodded quickly. "Red has the cake!...and he is keeping it from you."_

"When everybody came to later, the citadel was torn apart. Luckily somebody managed to get that thing duct taped to a pod and sent to the far corners of space. Tallest Red decided that he had been in error and let Skullene proceed on her mission without a SIR...for the moment."

"_Just get off this planet!" Red, his arms in a cast growled._

"_Gladly," Skullene smiled sweetly, not a scratch on her as she got into her Voot while hundreds of Irkens glared after her._

"How she walked away without a scratch after setting that thing on the Tallest I will never know! She should have been demoted, changed into a food drone and banished to Foodcourtia!"

_Skullene gave Purple the 'bambi eyes'._

"_Okay! Okay! I'll reverse the punishment! Just stop it!" Purple bawled._

"_Thanks Pur," Skullene hugged him and skipped off._

"So anyways...Skullene was left to have her own missions, invade planets without assistance from a drone or SIR after that. And combined with the damage caused to Impending Doom One by both the SIR unit and the negligence of those other invaders-standing in my way people spent quite a while rebuilding the planet!"

"...sure, they 'stood in your way'."

"Weren't you getting beaten up?"

"It went back to pink mode-oh crap it's back to yellow-AH! AHHHH! SHOOT ME!"

Xxx

"So what do we do?" Tak asked as they watched the SIR beat up Carlos-and Dib now.

"I'm not going near it! That thing killed hundreds of soldiers and anybody else who tried to shut it down!" Zim shook his head.

"Why don't you just shock it? You have electric powers now and your PAK is back." Rik suggested.

"Don't you think anybody else on Irk thought of that?" Zim demanded. "I'm pretty sure they would have tried to shock it!"

Xxx

**Several years ago...**

"Man these shock rods would have come in handy when Skullene's robot was tearing up the planet," One guard said as he sat down for lunch.

"Why didn't we use them anyways?" A second guard asked.

"The armoury was blown up and anybody who still had one was on lunch break."

"Talk about circumstance!"

"Yeah, good thing we lived through that. Lesson learned: keep your rod with you at all times."

"..."

"And I know, that sounded so wrong."

Xxx

"So what do we do then?"

"Open wide!" The SIR cackled.

"AH! I already have a certified dentist! You already took my teeth out twenty five times-AH! OH MY- ZIM HELP!"

"Well Zim, you're the protagonist, do something!" Lok crossed his arms.

"Why don't you nameless one? You're the head of the IDIOTs, the so called Irken Defective Elites! You do something!" Zim snapped. "I didn't even know that this thing was still functioning! The SIRs are supposed to shut down after a few decades and it's been forty since Impending Doom 1!"

"Well the fact of the matter stands: you are the designated protagonist. Your name is on the characters part of the story description!" Rik pointed out.

"Now stop messing around and save us!" Tak added.

"...fine, Zim will use his amazing Zimmy powers to save the day!" Zim declared, clearing his throat. "Sir unit SARAH!"

The SIR stopped using Carlos as a mop for his own blood and looked at Zim with wide yellow eyes.

"The thing's a menace," Carlos mumbled. "Wait...Mr Sweatpants, is that you?" He grinned dumbly. "Oh Mr Sweatpants..." He shook his head as he realized he was on his feet. "Wait, what happened?"

"The cake is on a far away planet!" Zim said, the SIR holding him up by the collar of his shirt. "On a uh...far away planet in uh...GIR, directions to Earth?"

"HEY!" Dib shouted.

GIR pointed in a random direction at the ceiling of the cave.

"That direction!" Zim finished.

SARAH released him and then took several steps back. She suddenly leaped into the air, flipping over and activated her rocket engines-mounted on the bottom of her feet. She struck several poses and then blasted a hole in the roof using a cannon the size of an SUV that came out of her head. As she shot out, several large pieces of rocks fell towards the group...

And all fell on Carlos just as he got up. "GAH-ACK! Of all the darn luck! Is this a 'Beat Up Carlos' episode? I only get this treatment from Kurt!"

"...well, the situation is solved! We're safe, the SARAH unit will go to Earth, my PAK is back ,and the mission is complete!...let's get nachos!" Zim said.

Xxx

**At the location of SARAH's landing...**

As it turned out, GIR had removed his guidance chip to make room for a bucket of ice cream: cotton candy flavoured. SARAH however operated perfectly in plotting the course GIR had pointed out...

To Irk.

Many eyes fell on the blue SIR unit as she landed in the throne room of the palace. Red and Purple stared at the SIR unit as its eyes turned pink. It smiled up at Purple as it walked over to him and held up one hand in the Peace sign.

"Hey...isn't that the SIR we gave Skullene?" Red asked.

"Aw look at it, she's giving us the peace sign!" Purple smiled and knelt to the SIR's level, returning the gesture. "Hello there little fella-DEAR SWEET MOTHER OF MIYUKI, SPORK, SPLORCHAMHEIMER! DEAR IRK ONE OF YOU HELP ME! YOU OWE ME!"

Xxx

"Do we owe him?" The spirit of Spork asked.

"I don't think so...but I always did think he was the cute one," Miyuki scratched her chin. "Hey wait...I just realized...why isn't Splorchamheimer with us?"

Xxx

"ACHOO!" Zim sneezed. "Odd, somebody must be speaking of the great legacy of Zim...okay then, my PAK is back, no need to go crazy looking for batteries...all is good!"

"You sent that SIR to attack my home planet!" Dib shouted as they returned to the surface. "What will my sister do when everything is dead?"

"Do you have to be a downer on everything?" Zim asked. "You didn't get killed or beaten up-as much as usual anyways. Even you with your big head should realize your...luck?" They stood before a large crowd of the 'natives' from the 'medieval' village: AKA the town of clichés.

"...hey look! They came to praise us for saving them from the Great Beast!" Dib smiled.

"So it _was_ you that got rid of it! Get him!" the leader shouted.

"What?" Dib backed up. "Wait, I thought it was oppressing you and making you miserable!"

"It was the best leader we ever had!" The leader growled. "We just wanted you to reason with it and make it lower the tax rate on cakes! It made roads, hospitals; it taught us how to use anti biotics and was on the way to teaching us how to make hydrogen cell engines so we could have an economy with a good start! And it just finished the coliseum where we can execute deserters and villains! It also kept away the Irken Armada and kept us safe from invasions on multiple occasions!"

"...Dib-Monkey, the Irken Empire thanks you for your effort," Zim shook Dib's hand. "Now if you don't mind, we innocent bystanders shall enjoy nachos un the coliseum as you die. Let's go!"

"What-but-guys?"

"Sorry man, I don't have enough ammo for this," Rik took off after Zim.

"I just got mauled by a cake eating robot, I'm in no shape for this," Carlos limped away.

"Uh...do you have money to pay us?" Lok asked.

"...no?"

"...good luck Dib-Human!" Lok said before he and Loe ran off. "We'll preserve your head for scientific examination afterwards!"

"You were always so funny!" Kay said ,somehow appearing on Dib's head out of the blue. "And your head is so big! I could camp on this! Well...bye!" she ran off after Lok and Loe.

"Uh...maybe the duties of concubines take priority over saving humans?" Tak suggested before she ran off. "Hey Zim! About that 'future concubine' thing..."

"...this is stupid," Gaz walked off.

"...oh come on!" Dib whined.

Kurt signed a quick message and then waved good bye with a shy smile before he ran off so fast that he left a cloud shaped like him where he had been standing...then the cloud waved good bye and ran off also.

"Get the infidel!"

"And cake!"

"Yes, let's turn him _into _a cake! His head will provide a large enough cake to support us all for years to come!"

Dib groaned as they closed in on him. "Awwww man!" He dodged the closest of the attackers and leaped over more. "Guys wait for me!"

He ran off with an entire civilization chasing him, only to find out that the others had transferred to the now fixed shuttle craft hovering over the village. It allowed them to watch the show.

"Should we feel guilty for leaving him behind?" Tak asked-sitting in the same chair as Zim now to follow through on her excuse.

"...nah," Zim shook his head.

"I've got nothing."

"Not me."

"Nope."

"Nuh-uh!"

"This is funny!"

"What happened to my ears?" The random crew member from the 'Cabin Fever' segment asked, appearing at the end of the row of spectators.

As Dib screamed in the distance, Zim sighed in content until Tak tapped him on the shoulder. "Uh...Zim?"

"Yes concubine?"

"You might want to see this," She pointed in the distance to Dib...who had a large dust cloud behind him as he fled towards the ship as it drifted over the roof of the coliseum. Dib began to climb the levels so fast that he broke records on every planet in the galaxy.

"Wait for me guys!"

"Wow...he's going fast!" Lok observed...and saw the villagers matching his speed. "Oh florp!"

"Ok, I guess break time's over, time to run!" Zim said as he rushed to the controls-only for Kay to kick him in the face and jump into the seat.

"My seat!" The smeet said firmly.

"Ok...so if you want to live and not get killed by natives then START PILOTING!"

Kay grabbed the controls and gunned the ship forward just as Dib landed on the canopy and was spread over the front. As the ship accelerated away from the villagers-missing a dozen of them almost jumping on Dib shouted through the canopy. "You _jerks!_"

"Walk it off Dib," Zim said ,casually pressing a button.

"What did you just-ow!" The windshield wipers hit Dib in the face. "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

"Ah...the natural order is restored," Carlos said, relieved. "Why does your brother keep on sticking ot everything?"

"...because he's stupid," Gaz replied.

"...ah..." Carlos nodded in understanding.

"_Let me in! Let me in!"_

"...should we let him in?"

"Well he's been bashed enough to make up for the lack of Dib Bashing...so why not?"

After Dib was brought inside, he limped over to Zim and raised one hand. "You...jerks." He then collapsed, out like a light as the ship left the planet behind them.

"...is he dead? I don't want his corpse stinking up the Omni-Hunter when we get back," Lok said.

"Nah, he's alive...he'll always live to die again," Gaz shrugged, not looking up from her game.

"Well, my PAK's back, we escape the natives, the Irken Armada will be free to conquer this planet...I think we did good today!" Zim said, grinning. "It's kind of odd; I thought this quest would take a whole lot longer and a lot harder."

"It feels like a story the author was too lazy to extend and just wanted to fit in plenty to laughs to compensate for it," Rik stated.

"That would be so stupid! Who would be that bad of an author!" Kay laughed, sitting on Zim's head.

"...wait, aren't you supposed to be piloting the ship?" Zim asked.

Everybody looked out the front canopy...and saw an asteroid coming right at them.

"...AH!" They all screamed, looking at the asteroid.

Then at each other.

Then back to the asteroid.

Lather, rinse, repeat!

Kay jumped back in the seat and jerked the shuttle to the side, but it was nicked by the asteroid and spun out of control.

"AH! Not my brand new shuttle!" Lok shouted as they spun towards the Omni-Hunter.

CRASH!

Xxx

**Ten minutes later...**

"Well well, back to square one, are we?" Skoodge chuckled as he walked across the hangar bay of the Omni-Hunter, which he had boarded and killed most of the crew. The shuttle was flipped over and the occupants scattered about the hangar. He stopped over Zim, kicking him onto his front and grinning at the sight of the PAK. "I was hoping that cake beast would kill you, getting rid of the middle man...but this will do just nicely."

He knelt and grasped the edges of the PAK, ready to tug it free...only for a large hand with claws to rest itself on his shoulder.

"Hello guvner," Invader Hellion chuckled while Nny sat on top of what was left of Skoodge's soldiers. "I think we need to have a chat."

Skoodge gulped. "Cold unfeeling robot arm!"

Xxx

"Zim...will...PAY!" Red growled as he and Purple looked out at the flaming city that Irk had become.

Purple, unable to form words after his tongue was nearly crushed in the robot's grip, mumbled a message that translated into ."I can't even eat donuts now!" It sounded like 'Ah ann even eth duh nuths naw!'

"Oh but he will pay Purple..." Red growled. "But first check and see if those cake shipments arrived yet!"

CRACK!

"_Get moving!_" SARAH growled from where she sat on a single throne in what used to be the Tallest throne room.

"Yes mistress!" Red whimpered.

"Yeth mithtreth!" Purple nodded and ran out.

SARAH sat back on the throne and turned on the TV, going to the cooking channel. _"Ah...cake..."_

_Xxx_

"...so where'd they go?" One pirate asked, kicking a rock as an army from the Pirate's Guild spilled out onto the surface of the planet.

"I don't know...let's ask the people in the coliseum over there," Another member suggested.

"Hohoho!" Blind Peon cackled as he rushed by them, swinging his sword. "I know you are 'ere Reekalo! I am comeeng for you!"

Needless to say people reacted badly to the blind madman swinging a sword around and Blind Peon changed his name to One Legged-Blind Peon after the incident.

Xxx

End of story!

And don't worry, I plan to keep milking the Zim Looks For Batteries series for all its worth. Expect more...unique sequels. And I promise you ths much...the fourth will be...quite a bit longer than three or four chapters.


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